Alright, so here it is. Last week I had kind of a breakdown. I was proud of myself cause I got home and found the motivation to do this workout DVD I have - Pilloxing, a mix of Pilates and Boxing. Its one of the only workout videos I don't want to kill the woman leading the routine, and it's a pretty good workout.. anyways, so I'm doing the workout and we have one of those Ikea bookcases with the reflective door and I catch a glimpse of myself. And just couldn't believe that's what I looked like. It was one of those moments I know many people have of "holy ssshhh that's what I look like?! when did that happen?!" And it threw me a little bit. I tried to keep going with the workout, but honestly, I was totally disheartened. And had a breakdown. I knew it was a full out breakdown when my cat (sweetie that he is) came over with this look like "mom? it's ok!" Yeah.. so I didn't do the workout full out, but I finished it. And just, felt so down. It's a crappy moment, and I know it wasn't entirely rational, but in the moment it just felt hopeless. And I know it's not at all, but ... well, I think you know what I mean.
The bright(er) side of this story is the next morning I was able to look at the situation with some perspective and thought it was time to weigh myself again since I hadn't done so in about a month. And I lost 5 pounds! Which is awesome! And if I keep up this pace, by the time I go to Hawaii, I'll have lost 15 pounds total, which is really good! Since then I have not done the Pilloxing video again. I will, I just needed some time away from it. It's also not always easy to find motivation to work out when I get home, which I know I've said repeatedly... but I'm working on it. I am. :)
Today I had my yearly physical and am in good health according to my doctor, so that is also good news. I've been feeling run down and achy, but not really sneezing or coughing, and she said it's probably to do with the cold I had in January - something is still working itself out of my system. So that is also hindering my motivation to do much when I get home. But doing some research about things to do in Hawaii made the trip just a little more real and will hopefully help jumpstart my motivation to continue on my path.
Since one of my goals is to be kinder to myself, and this hasn't been the most positive of postings, I will say that I have done much better about not eating out as much and when I do eat out I am making better choices about what to eat. I feel really good about that change I've made. Although I still have a ways to go, I am cooking more at home than I have in the past, so that also makes me feel good. And, even though I haven't been as consistent as I would like with it, I do make the effort to get up in time to do the Tai Chi warm-up. If I can ever get up in enough time to do the entire excersise I will be so thrilled. But I'll get there. I also bought cards today to send to friends randomly! So I am slowly but surely working on these goals of mine :)
Thanks again for continuing on the journey with me. It's a bumpy one, and I'm sure there are more bumps ahead, but I know I can face them and I know I will be the better for it.
Showing posts with label overcoming. Show all posts
Showing posts with label overcoming. Show all posts
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
New habits take a while...
I think this is the one thing that trips people up when they are trying something new. Old habits are so much easier because they're comfortable, and, well, to be blunt, they're already habits! No wonder it's difficult to get rid of them! There will always be a growth time of developing new habits. And for me, one of the things I have to work on remembering is to post in my blog. I've actually done a really good, consistent job of updating my food diary, which has been great. I've also been doing a fairly good job of reminding myself that this is only the first week and if nothing else, this first month is the starting point. I do not have to make any drastic changes this month, just track what I'm already doing and then take inventory to see what adjustments I can make in February. I have also done a good job of making sure I get home on time, which means I have time to 'work-out' (read, Just Dance for the Wii) for about 45 minutes every night. Which is more physical activity than I have done in a while, so I'm feeling pretty good about that. I'm also SUPER excited that I'm coaching again!! I forgot how much I love volleyball, and how great it feels to play and coach, not to mention be up and active for 2.5 hours every Saturday. So that will DEFINITELY help with this whole getting in shape thing. I just have to keep at the Wii, either Just Dance or start the Fit program again, so that I'm being active a little every day. I'll get there.
I also realize that this is more than just improving my eating and exercise habits, so let's take a look at the other goals, shall we?? Being nicer to myself is an uphill battle, as it is with most of us, however I have been better about reframing what I'm saying to myself. Instead of "I suck at life because I didn't do xyz" I stop and say something more like "It's not the end of the world/You are not a horrible person/You are human, and it is ok." It's not easy, and I feel ridiculous, but I know these pep talks help in the long run. And I remind myself of my positive psych class, and how much better I felt when I was being positive towards myself instead of always being down... and that helps me to keep going. Being healthier I've already updated about - except for the researching part (hold please..) ok, so I looked into the gym near me.. and they do not list prices on their website anywhere. Which leads me to believe 'if you have to ask, you can't afford it'. That being the most convenient, I went to next convenient, and looked at the gym at the stop before mine on the T. Read a Yelp review which said $90 a month. Yikes! BSC is the next convenient, and that's $70 a month (with $60 down for a year membership, or $118 down to have month-to-month). Yeah, I'm gonna need to evaluate this whole gym situation. Is it necessary? Worth the cost? Will I feel comfortable going? Will I go? Well, I know enough to know that I won't go unless it is on my way home. So I think the $90 a month one is out, cause it's on my way, but not really. I realize I sound ridiculous and am being 'lazy' about going to the gym, but I prefer to think of it as being practical. I know myself well enough to know on the days I just want to go home and lounge on the couch, I'm not getting off a stop early. I will, however, feel guilty if I have to pass by the gym on my way home. So I'm leaning towards BSC. It's on the way. It's not horrifyingly expensive. We'll see. I'm not 100% on it... but at least I did the first steps of researching! Just need to keep thinking, and look at my budget, and all that fun real world stuff.
My goal of planning for the future is at a standstill at the moment. And I'm ok with that. I'm not trying to do everything all at once and burn out. Just good to remind myself that is there.
Communication - doing ok. Need to be better, but getting there. This is going to be a hurdle and once I cross it I'll be golden. It's just getting over the first few hurdles.... yeah... working on it...
Organization - desk got somewhat organized when I had to talk to someone from the State Dept about a reference for one of my students. It's not 100% organized, but it's a start. And my roommate and I are looking to re-organize the first level of our place next weekend, so that's also something. My room.... is another story.... and that is my mountain to climb this weekend :)
Ok, I should probably try to be mildly (work-related) productive... but... all in all feeling like 2012 is off to a good start. Ready to keep the momentum going, and stay on track!
2012... you will not conquer me.
I also realize that this is more than just improving my eating and exercise habits, so let's take a look at the other goals, shall we?? Being nicer to myself is an uphill battle, as it is with most of us, however I have been better about reframing what I'm saying to myself. Instead of "I suck at life because I didn't do xyz" I stop and say something more like "It's not the end of the world/You are not a horrible person/You are human, and it is ok." It's not easy, and I feel ridiculous, but I know these pep talks help in the long run. And I remind myself of my positive psych class, and how much better I felt when I was being positive towards myself instead of always being down... and that helps me to keep going. Being healthier I've already updated about - except for the researching part (hold please..) ok, so I looked into the gym near me.. and they do not list prices on their website anywhere. Which leads me to believe 'if you have to ask, you can't afford it'. That being the most convenient, I went to next convenient, and looked at the gym at the stop before mine on the T. Read a Yelp review which said $90 a month. Yikes! BSC is the next convenient, and that's $70 a month (with $60 down for a year membership, or $118 down to have month-to-month). Yeah, I'm gonna need to evaluate this whole gym situation. Is it necessary? Worth the cost? Will I feel comfortable going? Will I go? Well, I know enough to know that I won't go unless it is on my way home. So I think the $90 a month one is out, cause it's on my way, but not really. I realize I sound ridiculous and am being 'lazy' about going to the gym, but I prefer to think of it as being practical. I know myself well enough to know on the days I just want to go home and lounge on the couch, I'm not getting off a stop early. I will, however, feel guilty if I have to pass by the gym on my way home. So I'm leaning towards BSC. It's on the way. It's not horrifyingly expensive. We'll see. I'm not 100% on it... but at least I did the first steps of researching! Just need to keep thinking, and look at my budget, and all that fun real world stuff.
My goal of planning for the future is at a standstill at the moment. And I'm ok with that. I'm not trying to do everything all at once and burn out. Just good to remind myself that is there.
Communication - doing ok. Need to be better, but getting there. This is going to be a hurdle and once I cross it I'll be golden. It's just getting over the first few hurdles.... yeah... working on it...
Organization - desk got somewhat organized when I had to talk to someone from the State Dept about a reference for one of my students. It's not 100% organized, but it's a start. And my roommate and I are looking to re-organize the first level of our place next weekend, so that's also something. My room.... is another story.... and that is my mountain to climb this weekend :)
Ok, I should probably try to be mildly (work-related) productive... but... all in all feeling like 2012 is off to a good start. Ready to keep the momentum going, and stay on track!
2012... you will not conquer me.
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